found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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