I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
