ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
