just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
