So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
