I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
