you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
