I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He shit in the fireplace
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
