did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
