Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
