My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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