my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
