So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
