i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
