I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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