just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
