Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
