I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
