I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
