Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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