We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
