I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
