don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
