Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
