When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
