There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
