i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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