I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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