So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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