Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
