i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
