3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
