that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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