i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
