i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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