2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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