Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
