Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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