I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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