I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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