so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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