So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
