Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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