How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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