Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
