Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
