there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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