Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
