Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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