My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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