I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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