think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
