dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i will never coherently bang her
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
