Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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